The Love Doctor
by Galaxy1001D
Summary: When Drakken finally asks Shego to marry him, Shego finally says...no. But a mad scientist doesn't know the meaning of the word, "quit"! Time to call Ron Stoppable, the love doctor, with the advice that the lonely mad scientists out there need!
1. An Offer She Can't Refuse

Drakken In Love

**The Love Doctor**

By Galaxy1001D

_Kim Possible and other Disney characters are © Disney Co._

_Chapter One: An Offer She Can't Refuse_

After the chaos of the Lowardian Invasion, the world seemed to go topsy-turvy. With the balance of power finally balanced, at least temporarily, nations had to change the way they treated each other. Traditional enemies had to work together to rebuild their countries. Wars and terrorism lost their allure now that everyone knew that mankind was not alone in the universe.

Perhaps the person who was having the hardest time adjusting to the change was one of the heroes of battle against the Lowardian invaders, one Doctor Drew Drakken. Drakken had been born Drew Theodore P. Lipsky, but had legally changed his name when he had decided to become a supervillain and take over the world.

Years later, Drakken was still not the indisputable overlord of Earth. As a matter of fact, many government agencies considered him small potatoes compared to big-time villains like Osama bin Laden and Professor Dementor. Yet no other villain had ever even attempted the feats of villainy that he had attempted. Only his idol, Doctor Evil, had tried the things that Drakken had, and Doctor Evil had retired from the villain business and gone legitimate when he discovered that the legendary cold-war era spy, Nigel Powers was his long-lost biological father. To Drakken's chagrin, his idol had legally changed his name to "Douglas Powers," and was satisfied being the head of Virtacon, a huge megacorporation.

Drakken had boldly stepped forward to fill the gap of sensational supervillainy, attempting to cover Milwaukee in molten magma, duplicating Evil's attempt to destroy cities from space, creating a weather machine and even breaking into the legendary Area 51. Alas for the mad scientist, his efforts were thwarted by the world famous teen hero Kim Possible and her buffoonish sidekick whose name he had a hard time remembering. On the plus side, his encounters with the popular teenage hero had catapulted him into international notoriety. On the minus side, if Kim Possible hadn't prevented him from taking over the world, even more people would acknowledge his genius.

Then the most incredible thing had happened. Warmonga and her consort Warhawk from the planet Lorwardia had come to conquer the Earth with their superior technology. A lab accident with an accelerated plant growth formula allowed him to control the plants that he created simply by focusing his will. Inspired by the second _Lord of the Rings_ movie, he teamed up with his teen nemesis to defeat the Lorwardians by using his plants to destroy their giant robots. In return the nations of the world had rewarded him by pardoning him for his past crimes and even awarding him a medal at a ceremony at the United Nations.

Now back in his Caribbean island lair, the mad doctor was back at the drawing board, trying to come up with a new plan to take over the world and defeat Kim Possible. "Grrr! That will never work! Ngrah! My mother could come up with a better idea than that!" As his frustrated moans may indicate, progress in that area had slowed to a crawl.

"Problem?" a bored female voice asked.

"Yes," he grunted, as he turned to his lovely assistant, Shego.

Shego was considered by many to be the secret to what little success he had enjoyed so far. Formerly part of a superhero team, she gave up heroism and became a villain for hire, assisting conquerors in their quest for world domination. She became Drakken's partner years ago and stuck by him no matter how insane his plans were. As a matter of fact, during the Lowardian invasion she stuck her neck out to rescue him, even though she hadn't broke him out of prison during the fall of previous year. It was as if she actually cared about him, as if she too, thought of the dastardly duo as a kind of evil family. The United Nations was gracious enough to pardon her too, and she attended the awards ceremony at his side.

A humiliating side effect of his mastery over his chemically grown plants was an irritating flowery vine that grew out his spinal column and seemed to respond to his subconscious rather than his will. A humiliating, sickeningly sweet subconscious, apparently. Did the vine ever strangle anyone that Drakken was angry with? No. Did it ever push an irritating henchman over a cliff? Nope. Did it curl around Shego and pull her up against his body and violate their personal space? Yep. Worse yet, his neck had a nasty tendency to sprout flower petals when he was flustered. Trimming his body's vegetation was a temporary cure at best. The cursed things just seemed to grow back when he wasn't looking.

The stupid plants seemed to react to Shego's presence. His neck would poof up like a peacock and that stupid vine would snake out of his clothing to caress his sidekick like a disgusting pervert. At first he was embarrassed. Now he was simply irritated.

"Ha-ha-ha," Shego chuckled as the flowery vine crept out of his collar and wrapped around her. "Stop that, it tickles!"

Drakken simply sighed and picked up a pair of large pruning shears. With well-practiced precision he cut the vine from his neck and didn't even bother to watch as it thrashed around on the floor next to the other vines that had begun to pile up. At least they stopped twitching after five or ten minutes.

"Why'd ya do that for?" Shego snapped. "I was enjoying that!"

Drakken put his hands over his face and sighed in humiliation.

"All right," Shego put leaned against his desk and put her body in close proximity to his. "What's wrong now? Don't think that the world rewarded you enough? Think they should have thrown some money into the bargain?"

"No, that's not it," he muttered as his neck erupted in sunflower sized flower petals again.

"Then what's the matter?" Shego asked testily. "For the last few days you've just been moping around. You've become a real vegetable. Heh-heh. Get it? A real vegetable."

His indignant frown nearly caused her to chuckle again.

"That's better!" she grinned. "That's the Drakken I know! He's the guy who hates the world and never knows when to quit!"

Drakken gasped and looked like he had seen a ghost. To be honest, his blue skin and scarred face had given him a corpselike appearance for as long as Shego had known him. Since Shego's pale-as-death skin had a slightly greenish tint, she usually refrained from commenting about _his_ color.

"That's it, Shego!" he breathed. "That's what's wrong!"

"What is?" Shego didn't see it. "What's wrong?"

"I don't hate the world anymore," he uttered in shock.

"What?" Shego blinked. "You don't hate the world? Why not? Just because they gave you a medal? Team Go has lots of medals back at Go Tower. None of them mean anything. Fame is fleeting. In a few years, no one will care."

"But don't you see?" Drakken didn't seem to be listening. "I've finally received recognition. The world isn't laughing at me. They all know that I am a genius…" Suddenly he shook his head as if trying to awaken from a bad dream. "Wait a minute. Go Tower? Team Go? What are you talking about?"

"Hello!" She waved a hand in front of his face. "Go Tower. As in Go City, my hometown. The headquarters of Team Go, the team of superheroes my brothers and I created after a comet from space gave us colorful superpowers?"

"Doesn't ring a bell," Drakken shrugged. "You used to be a superhero? Really?"

"Yes!" Shego growled. "We must have had this conversation dozens of times. If you weren't so fixated on yourself you would know that!"

"Ah yes," he nodded as he rose from his chair and pointed at the ceiling dramatically. "That's right! We were talking about _me_!"

"Why do I even bother?" Shego sighed and shook her head.

Drakken ignored her. "Let's see, where was I? Ah yes. I don't hate the world anymore, and it's really putting a cramp on my style."

"Since when have _you_ had style?" Shego teased as she put her hands to her hips.

"Har-dee-har," Drakken crossed his arms in irritation. "You know what I mean."

"I know what you mean," she nodded. "I endure that torture every day. I can never hate the world enough to come up with my _own_ plan of doom and destruction. But you…I mean _you_…" She waved her hands in front of herself as if trying to ward away imaginary insects, and then pointed at her boss. "_You_ hate the world so much that you make Professor Dementor look like a pacifist! Look, if you don't feel like making the world pay, just go to the DMV. You'll hate the world again, and soon, I promise."

Drakken took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "I hope you're right, Shego. The alternative is too horrible to contemplate."

Shego couldn't resist needling him. "What? You'll turn over your doomsday devices over to your cousin Eddy?"

"No!" Drakken stamped his foot on the floor. "If I go legit you'll leave me and never come back!"

"So what?" Shego seemed to get angry. Or was she simply being defensive? "I've quit before. I've always come back. Why would I leave anyway?"

"C'mon Shego," Drakken argued. "Remember Hank Perkins and the cupcakes? You hated it when I was just a businessman. You were going crazy when we were in the cupcake business!"

"I was going crazy with boredom, that's why," Shego insisted. "While you and Hank Perkins were playing telephone, I had nothing to do."

"Exactly Shego," Drakken nodded, "that's the problem. With my genius and total lack of morals I could go far in nearly any enterprise that I put my mind to…"

"Except at taking over the world," Shego grinned.

"Yes! Even at taking over the world! I'm a natural!" Drakken shouted. Then his voice returned to a conversational tone. "But I could just as easily be an executive or a CEO. I did a great job running _Bueno Nacho_. _Hank's Gourmet Cupcakes_ were a success. We would have survived that slump if you hadn't destroyed our main factory while battling the buffoon."

"If _I _hadn't…!" Shego spluttered as he hands lit up with an eerie green glow.

"Not that we both haven't made mistakes in the past!" He quickly added as he nervously attempted a disarming smile. Although the accident that gave him blue skin had endowed him with uncanny recuperative abilities, it had also doubled his sensitivity to pain. Even now, he wore a special blue outfit that matched his azure pallor and didn't irritate his skin. He even wore gloves to protect his hands at all times. "Over the years, we've both made our share of 'little oopses' now and then!"

"Keep blaming your failures on me, and that will be a _big_ oops!" she snarled.

"Heh-heh," he smiled shakily. "We don't want to change the subject do we? The point is that I could become a success without being a villain."

"So what's stopping you?" Shego seemed skeptical, but at least she wasn't angry. Much.

"Like I said, you'll leave me," he responded.

"So just call up Hank Perkins," she shrugged. "The two of you can go into business and make Drakkenburgers or something. Or open a chain of flower shops."

"I don't want to call Hank Perkins," he insisted. "I want _you_ to be my partner."

"So what do you want me to do?" joked Shego. "Steal the money so you won't need a business loan?"

"That's not a bad idea…" he put his hand to his chin, "but after we get started we won't need to commit any crimes. At least not blue collar ones that is…maybe fraud, embezzling and corporate espionage…but the main point is that you may not find the corporate ladder as rewarding as villainy. What then?"

"Why should you care?" Shego shrugged. "As long as you succeed, who cares?"

"I do, you stupid woman!" Drakken shouted without warning. "I care! I don't want you to leave! Do you got that? I don't want you to go! I get lonely, alright? Is that what you want to hear? I don't have any friends because I'm evil and push everyone away! I don't want to push you away too!"

"Whoa," Shego held her hands out in a conciliatory gesture. "Calm down, chief. Better switch to decaf. I was just playing the devil's advocate. Besides, if I left for a while maybe you'd hate the world again. Then you'd become a villain and I'd come back."

"Get serious, Shego." Drakken shook his head. "If I'm a success as a businessman, I won't want to quit. I'd have to give up everything I was working for! I don't want to have to start all over again if I can help it."

"So now what?" Shego shrugged. "It's looks like you're stuck. You got any incentive to make me stay?"

"Incentive?" Drakken scratched his head. "You mean like money? When I become a success, I'll have plenty of that."

"Yeah, right." Shego crossed her arms skeptically. "You're too cheap. Maybe you're right. Maybe I _will_ walk."

"No! Don't walk!" Drakken flailed his arms uselessly. "You don't have to! I'll um…I'll marry you! Yes, that's it!"

"You'll _what_?" Now it was Shego's turn to look like she had seen a ghost. Her pale skin lost all trace of color as her eyes bulged out and her jaw dropped.

"Yes!" Drakken grinned evilly. "It's brilliant! I'll marry you! Then you'll have all those things that women want! A home, commitment, a husband who is the envy of her neighbors! It's brilliant! You'll have no _reason_ to leave!" He cackled sinisterly. "Ha-ha-ha! Why didn't I see it before?"

"Are you out of your mind?" Shego asked him.

"Frequently, but that's what makes be such a genius!" he crowed. "I think so far out of the box, I don't even know where the box is!" He took the opportunity to indulge in some evil laughter. "Aha-ha-ha!"

"Not gonna happen," Shego shook her head.

"What?" The look of alarm on his face made it seem as if Kim Possible had a shotgun pointed at his head. "Why not?"

"Drakken, what makes you think I'd want to marry you?" she asked him.

"Why wouldn't you?" He honestly seemed confused. "You live here anyway. We do everything together. Eat together, steal together, go to karaoke night together…"

"I don't even like karaoke," Shego insisted.

"That's the point, Shego!" Drakken's spirits began to rise again. "We do everything together, even if we hate it! Isn't that what marriage is all about?"

"That's what a buddy movie is all about," Shego insisted. "You know, two people who argue with each other the entire movie but are willing to give up everything for each other? That's a buddy movie. Not a marriage."

"But we're opposite genders," Drakken insisted. "Think about it, Shego, we could take it to a level that no buddy movie would dare to go! We would have murdered each other by now if we were going to, but we didn't! After all our failures, after all of the horrible things that we've done to each other we're still together and willing to risk our lives for each other! Come on, Shego! I'm not going to give that up! I'll do anything to hold on to you, even become a hunted criminal again!"

"Gosh, that's so sweet," Shego brushed a tear out of her eye. "I'll bet that I could even commit adultery and you'd kill my lover instead of me."

"Well, _that_ goes without saying," he shrugged. "I wouldn't want to lose you over a little thing like treachery."

"This could actually work," Shego put her hand on her chin. "With your total lack of charm, I wouldn't have to worry about _you_ cheating on _me_. I'll actually have to give this some thought."

"Good!" gushed Drakken. "So you'll do it? Hey! What do you _mean_ 'total lack of charm'?"

"But if you expect me to walk down the aisle with you, I want something in return," Shego wagged her finger at him.

"There's always a catch," Drakken grumbled. "What is it you want? No pre-nup? Don't worry, you'll get half!"

"Doy," Shego rolled her eyes, "but that goes without saying. No, I mean I want you to make my toes curl."

"What, are you insane?" Drakken grimaced. "I thought that we've both been mutated enough! At least it looks good on you, but these stupid plants are driving me crazy!"

"No, you idiot, make me fall in love with you!" Shego scolded.

"Well that sounds simple enough," Drakken muttered.

"Without mind control," she added.

"Why are you making this so hard?" He whined pitifully. "All I want is for you to marry me. Is that so bad?"

"Yes!" Shego shouted. "You are whiney, ugly, irritating, and boring! You have to be the least romantic man in the world! If you, me, and Kim Possible were the last three people on Earth, I'd be trying to start a family with Kimmy before I'd try my luck with you! _You_ are about as romantic as an elderly skunk with diarrhea! Give me romance! Give me Paris! Give me flowers!"

"I can give you all the flowers you need," he winced as he plucked huge flower petals from his neck. "_Believe_ me."

"You know what I mean!" she snapped.

"I tried to take over Paris, too!" he insisted.

"Why you…!" Shego put her hand over her eyes and grimaced as if she was in pain. "I must have been out of my mind to even consider it! Okay, the wedding is off! You're really going to have to knock my socks off just to get me to say 'maybe'. And if you do it wrong…" Shego looked him in the eyes and ignited one of her hands. The fingertips of her glove appeared to sharpen in the strange green light. "…You'll get a second scar if you push it, got it?"

"Yes, Shego," Drakken backed away meekly. "I got it, I won't push it…Hey wait a minute!" The blue bad guy stood up straight and clenched his fist in a heroic pose. "_I'm_ the boss! _I'm_ the supervillain! _You're_ just the sidekick! _I'm _the one who will make the threats around here!"

"You've already threatened to marry me," Shego shrugged. "I can't think of a more hideous fate than waking up with _you_ on the other side of the bed."

"Oh you'll see, Shego!" Drakken called at her back as she sauntered away from him. "I'll get you to fall in love with me somehow! Mark my words, you'll be so in love with me that you'll think that Brad Pitt is Quasimodo!"

"I like Johnny Depp now," she called back.

"Same difference!" he shouted.

_(Beep-Beep, De-Deep) _

_Ooohh yeahh yeah_

_I'm your basic average girl _

_And I'm here to save the world _

_You can't stop me _

_Cause I'm Kim Pos-si-ble _

_There is nothin' I can't do  
When danger calls  
Just know that I am on my way (know that I am on my way)_

_It doesn't matter where or when there's trouble  
If ya just call my name  
Kim Possible  
Whenever you need me baby  
Call me, beep me if ya wanna reach me_

_Chorus  
Call me, beep me if ya wanna reach me  
When ya wanna page me it's okay_

Ron: Kim!

_Doesn't matter where  
Doesn't matter when (doesn't matter when)  
I will be there for ya til the very end  
Danger or trouble  
I'm there on the double  
You know that you always can call  
Kim Possible_

_(Beep-Beep, De-Deep)_

Kim: So what's the sitch?

_Call me, beep me if ya wanna reach me. _

As the week progressed, Drakken put his formidable intellect to the task of winning Shego's love. Unfortunately, Shego was correct. He did seem to suffer from a total lack of charm.

First, he tried the classics: That morning, while Shego was sunning herself on a tanning booth that she set up in the main control room, Drakken walked in with a smile on his face, a bow tie around his neck, and a bouquet of flowers clutched behind his back.

Shego, who was in a green one-piece bathing suit glanced at Drakken through her black sunglasses, and snorted. "What's with the dopey grin? Did you send away for natural male enhancement or somethin'?"

Sweat trickled down from his forehead as his smile wavered. Then he slowly brought the flowers into view and presented them to Shego. "Here you go, Shego. For you."

"Thanks," she said as she reached out to take them. She didn't even look as her fist ignited into green flames, burning the bouquet to a crisp.

The next day, when Shego was reading a book, Drakken entered the room with a guitar in his hands and started playing.

"Shego in the sky with di-amonds…" he sang. "Shego in the sky with di-amonds…no wait. That should be emeralds, shouldn't it? Shego in the sky with emeralds…"

Without saying a word, Shego rose from her chair, walked over to Drakken and snatched the guitar out of his hands. Swinging the instrument like a baseball player, she hit the wall with such force that the guitar was broken into three large pieces. She then handed the fractured instrument back to the evil scientist. After all, the strings were still holding the dangling pieces of the shattered guitar together.

That night, as Shego turned out the light and crawled into bed, she heard a tapping at her tower window. "What could that be?" she asked herself. She turned on the light, slipped a green bathrobe on over her pajamas (guess what color) and strode over to the window. "Doctor Dee?" she gasped as she opened the window. "What in the world? What are you doing outside my window this late at night?"

"Hark!" Doctor Drakken was in a round flying-saucer type vehicle that hovered in the air like a harrier jet. "What light through yonder window breaks?" he said as he struck a heroic pose. "It is the east, and Shego is the sun!"

"Ugh," Shego rolled her eyes. "It's too late for this. Cork it. Come back tomorrow." She reached out of the window and flicked a switch on the controls of his flying saucer.

"Wait!" Drakken cried as the flying saucer zoomed backwards out of control. "Shego!" He hollered as the vehicle suddenly lost power and plummeted into the sea.

The next day, a bitter Drakken was watching a small portable television while eating, what else? A TV dinner.

"We're here with the world famous teenage heroes, Kim Possible and her longtime partner, Ron Steppalbe." Said a cheerily fake interviewer.

"Stoppable," Kim corrected.

"Of course," the interviewer replied, "but I understand that you and your sidekick are now an item. Tell me, Ronald, the world wants to know: When are you going to propose to this young woman?"

"As soon as we get enough money to move into our own place," Ron joked.

"Ron!" Kim blushed.

"Ngrah!" Drakken picked up the television and threw it across the room. "Even the buffoon can find true love! Why him and not me? He's about as romantic as a heart attack! What does he know that I don't?" Suddenly, the evil scientist stopped shouting as his eyes darted back and forth. His voice was now a sinister whisper. "What does _he_ know that I don't? Well there's one quick and easy way to find out! I think that it's time that we paid Kim Possible's buffoon a visit. Heh-heh-heh!" he cackled nefariously. "Shego!" he shouted. "Get in here! I have a job for you! We haven't kidnapped anyone in a long time!"

Shego strode in the room as radiant as a bride on her wedding day. "There ya go! That's the Drakken I know and love!" When Drakken gave her a surprised look, she gulped and then stammered. "I mean know and respect…er…uh…I mean know and like…um…Just get off my back, all right?"

Next: Go Miss Go 


	2. Go Miss Go

**The Love Doctor**

By Galaxy1001D

_Kim Possible and other Disney characters are © Disney Co._

_Chapter Two: Go Miss Go_

Hovering over Middleton High School, a car-sized flying saucer vehicle contained two impatient villains.

"Ngrah!" Drakken wailed. "It's not a Saturday! Why isn't anybody in school?"

"Maybe because it's July?" Shego suggested. "In case, you forgot, Doctor Dee, during the summertime school is out."

"You mean we are going to have to wait two months for school to start again?" Drakken whined. "I can't wait that long!"

Once again Shego responded with a patience that only a mother could have. "I hate to bring this up, Doctor Dee, but didn't Kimmy and the buffoon graduate? Our little boy has grown up."

"Graduate?" Drakken gasped. "When did this happen? Everything is changing too fast!"

Shego couldn't believe this. "Um, when the Lowardians captured you and the princess, didn't you notice that she was dressed in a graduation gown? You know, that black thing she wore over her dress?"

The blue scientist struggled to recall. "I thought she was just dressed in black to be cool. You know, like Luke Skywalker in _Return of the Jedi_."

His thoughts were interrupted by the slapping sound of Shego putting her hand on her forehead. Shego attempted to ignore her partner's cluelessness and focus on the task at hand. "Okay, talk me through this. Why do we want to capture the buffoon again?"

"He has some information that I need," Drakken replied.

"And what information is that, may I ask?" came the skeptical reply.

"Heh-heh-heh," Drakken chortled evilly. "It's a secret, Shego. You like secrets, don't you?"

"Not really no," came her lifeless reply.

"Grah!" Drakken closed his eyes in frustration and didn't notice his partner's satisfied smirk. "Well you're going to like this one! I don't have to tell you everything, anywho! It's not as if you actually _listen_ to me!"

"Ya got me there," she shrugged.

"Where is the buffoon? Where is the buffoon?" Drakken's eyes darted like a crazy man's as he repeated his mantra.

"Why don't we look him up in the phone book?" Shego suggested.

"Good idea," Drakken brightened up, but then his face fell. "Um, do you remember his name, Shego?"

"Oh for crying—You know his name!" she snapped.

"I know that I do…I just…can't remember it right now…" The scientist furrowed his brow and put his hand to his chin.

"Oh for goodness sake it's…" Shego's eyes widened in alarm, then narrowed in concentration. "It's…um…I know this…it's…uh…"

"You mean you don't remember it, either?" Drakken asked in disbelief.

"Hey!" Shego growled. "Get off my back! _You're_ the criminal mastermind! _You're_ the one who's supposed to be keeping track of this in case you want to get revenge!"

"If this is the best intel you can provide no wonder we haven't taken over the world yet," Drakken muttered.

"Hey!" she protested. "I didn't think it was important, okay? Besides, he can't be that hard to find. Wherever Kimmy is, he's sure to follow."

"Alright," he groused. "Do you know where she lives?"

"As a matter of fact, I do, and that gives me an idea," Shego stroked her chin thoughtfully. "You don't want Kimmy to rescue the sidekick before you get the information, do you?"

"Of course not," Drakken replied irritably.

"Then just leave it to me, and I'll give you the privacy you need to grill him like a fish." Now it was Shego's turn to chuckle evilly.

The next morning, the doorbell rang at the Possible household.

"I'll get it! I'll get it!" Came a pair of identical juvenile voices.

Jim Possible and his brother Tim scrambled to answer the door before their mother could respond. When they opened the door, the normally rambunctious twins fell silent as their mouths opened in shock.

Standing in the door was Shego, but a Shego that they had seen only once before. Her silky black hair didn't seem as long and it was secured by a dull green barrette, exposing her ears that were adorned with tiny black pearl earrings. Instead of her harlequin style black and green "Team Go" uniform, she wore a brown miniskirt, with a gray jacket over a teal green blouse whose collar was secured with a black snap reminiscent of her "Team Go" uniform. Perhaps the scariest part of the ensemble was the unnatural smile that was plastered on the villainess' face.

"Hi kids," she greeted with a sweetness guaranteed to produce cavities, "is your sister home? I kind of need her help."

"Kim!" Jim shouted.

"It's for you!" shouted Tim.

"Boys!" their mother called out. "No yelling in the house. I thought I raised you better than that."

"Yes, mom," they chorused.

Kim was startled to see her green nemesis. "Shego!" she blurted out. "What are you doing here? And why are you dressed the way you were when you served as a substitute teacher?"

"Shego!" Ron Stoppable cried out. "And she's good again! Oh man…!"

The naked mole-rat in his pocket just squeaked in surprise.

"I'm sorry, Kimmy," Shego said contritely. "I know that you probably had a big day planned, but I really need your help."

"Of course, Shego," said a concerned Kim Possible. "So not the drama. I understand. Anything that I can do to help out."

"Thanks…" Shego cooed gratefully and batted her eyes. "You're the greatest."

Ron sighed. "So what happened this time, the attitudinator again?"

Shego looked uncomfortably away as she clasped her hands behind her back. "Well, I hate to talk about it here, Ronnie. It's kind of personal…"

"Don't worry," Kim assured her. "We can go to the mall and talk about it. If this is what I think it is, you're going to need a place to live and a new wardrobe.

"I _knew_ I could count on you," gushed a syrupy Miss Go.

"Ron, coming?" Kim asked.

"Um, no thanks," he replied sadly. "I'd feel like a fifth wheel. You can just tell me what's going on later, okay?"

"Sure, Ron," Kim smiled. "_You're_ the greatest."

As the duo shared a kiss they didn't notice Jim, Tim, and Shego making strange faces and sticking their tongues out in disgust.

As Kim and Miss Go drove off in Kim's refit Sloth XL1, Ron walked sadly back to his battered motorscooter. "Well Rufus, it looks like it's just you and me, buddy," he said to the hairless rodent perched on his shoulder. "What do you want to do, today?"

"Hmm," Rufus put a tiny paw to his lower jaw in thought.

Suddenly a dark shadow eclipsed the duo. Ron looked up to see a flying saucer with a sinister blue pilot leering down at him. "Drakken!" Ron shouted.

"Aha!" Drakken cried as she pulled a lever. "The buffoon! This time, victory shall be mine! Aha-ha-ha!"

The bottom of the floating craft emitted a golden beam of light that struck the hapless teenager. As the boy was pulled into the air towards the mad inventor, Rufus tumbled off his shoulder and on to the ground below.

"Roooofus!" Ron called as the bottom of the flying saucer opened and swallowed him up.

"Ron!" squeaked the bald rodent as the flying saucer sailed away. "Oh no!"

_Next: Lunch With Shego_


	3. Lunch with Shego

**The Love Doctor**

By Galaxy1001D

_Kim Possible and other Disney characters are © Disney Co._

_Chapter Three: Lunch with Shego_

"So what's the sitch, Shego?" asked a curious Kim Possible as the two relaxed in a familiar booth at Bueno Nacho, Kim and Ron's favorite fast-food Mexican restaurant. "We spent all morning shopping and I didn't want to pry, but I have to know: Are you in trouble? Is someone after you?"

"Oh, I'm not in trouble that way, Kimmy," Shego assured her.

"Is it an old enemy of Team Go? Or is it Drakken?" Kim asked.

"It's um… Drakken," When Shego blushed, it was obvious. A leafy green hue lit up her deathly white face like a neon sign.

"What's the matter, you turned good again, and Drakken can't take it?" asked a concerned Kim.

"No that's not it," Shego sighed as her voice became weary and less "Miss Go" like. "Believe it or not, it was his idea."

"What do you mean?" Kim took a bite of her burrito.

"I think Doctor Dee is having a midlife crisis," the greenish woman sighed. "Ever since the United Nations pardoned us and gave him that medal he's been talking about 'going legit' and 'getting a fresh start' and all that stuff."

"That's great," Kim grinned. "If he's thinking about giving up evil, that should solve all your problems."

"Two days ago he asked me to marry him," Shego's voice had returned to its wry Shegoness.

"Oh," Kim put her hand to her mouth in alarm. "That's not so great."

Meanwhile in the Caribbean lair of Doctor Drakken, the evil scientist gloated at his helpless captive. "So…" He stopped to glance at a notebook that he had clutched in his hand. "…Ron Stoppable, we meet again, at last…"

"Dude, you shackled me to the wall just twenty minutes ago," the boy responded.

"I was hungry! I went to go get something to eat, alright?" the villain shouted. Then his voice became sinister and seductive. "Now that I have you in my power, you will tell me how you won Kim Possible's heart."

Ron exploded in anger. "So you can build a better synthodrone? I don't think so! One Eric was enough!"

Drakken blinked in confusion. "What are you talking about?"

"Come on!" Ron exclaimed. "You want to play Kim again like you did during our junior prom during the Little Diablo incident. Don't you? What are you going to do, make a synthodrone of me, this time?"

"Why that's a great idea," Drakken started scribbling on a notebook. "I better write this down if things don't work out. 'Make…clone…of…buffoon…'"

"Hey!" Ron protested indignantly.

Drakken looked up from his notebook. "Listen you cretin," he growled at the boy. "I don't have any nefarious plan, okay? I need the information strictly for personal use, got it?"

"You disgusting pervert!" Ron cried. "I knew this would happen someday! One of our villains has the hots for Kim! And it's you of all people! This is sick and wrong! You're old enough to be her father!"

"I don't have the hots for Kim Possible!" Drakken shouted. "I don't even like her!"

"I know the score," Ron growled. "You have sick fantasies about her! Those websites were right! This is low, even for you!"

"The only fantasy I have about Kim Possible is the thought of her shackled to a nuclear missile about to explode!" Drakken protested. "Wait. What are the websites saying about me?" He paused to write in his notebook. "'Get…revenge…on…websites.'" He then turned his attention to his prisoner. "This has nothing to do with Kim Possible! All you teenagers have your minds in the gutter."

"Ha!" snorted the boy. "It has nothing to do with Kim Possible and you just _happen_ to want to know how to get her to fall in love with you, huh? What do you want to do, get her to marry you?"

"No you idiot! I want _Shego_ to marry me!" Drakken shouted at the top of his lungs. Suddenly they both fell quiet. The looks on their faces were that of shock and horror. Somewhere in the vicinity, a housefly broke wind.

Ron was the first to break the silence. "Oh," he muttered lamely. "I guess that's different."

Meanwhile back in Middleton, Shego was pouring her heart to the teen hero. "So I don't know what I'm gonna do! This is _Drakken_ we're talking about! When we watched _The Memopad_, he wanted to know why there weren't any car chases!"

"Wow," Kim blinked. "That _is_ bad."

"What am I going to do?" Shego moaned. "The only thing worse than a mad scientist is a mad scientist in love. My life is so in the toilet, right now."

"No it's not," Kim insisted. "If you've turned good again, it couldn't have come at a better time. The U.N. has pardoned you. You're free to start all over again. You don't need Drakken. You can become a teacher and find other men out there. What about Mister Barkin?"

"Sorry Kimmy," Shego sighed, "but the last time I saw Stevie I set the hounds on him. I don't think he'll understand."

"Well, there are other fish in the sea," Kim offered weakly.

"Something that Doctor Dee said struck a chord," Shego muttered. "He said that he was evil and that he pushed everyone away. That's the story of my life."

"What do you mean?" Kim asked and raised a suspicious eyebrow.

"Maybe you've noticed that I don't respond very well when guys make passes at me," Shego sighed. "Well, maybe you haven't. Let me give you an example. The first time I met Motor Ed…"

FLASHBACK ONE

"Whoa, green babe!" Ed Lipsky exclaimed as he seized Shego in his brawny arms. "Do you believe in love at first sight? Because I'll like totally walk by again if I have to, seriously!"

"Ah-huh," Shego smiled sarcastically. "Walk and keep walking." With a green zap from her finger, Motor Ed was catapulted across the room.

FLASHBACK ENDS

"But that was Motor Ed we're talking about here," Kim insisted. "What self-respecting girl in her right mind wouldn't do the same thing?"

"It's not just Motor Ed, I kind of do that to everybody," Shego sighed sadly. "When I was in high school…

FLASHBACK TWO

"And now give it up to our homecoming King and Queen everybody!" Announced a voice over the intercom in the Go City High School gymnasium.

Shego appeared on a makeshift stage, looking quite darling in her green dress and silver tiara. She squinted in the spotlight and waved shyly.

"There's the queen, isn't she beautiful?" the voice announced. "And here's Brad Hogan, Go High's star quarterback and homecoming king! Let's hear it for the king and queen, everyone!"

"Would you like this dance?" Brad Hogan, a handsome and charming teenage boy, chivalrously extended his hand.

"Yargh!" Shego gave a feral grunt and threw him off the stage.

FLASHBACK ENDS

"Shego," Kim choked in horror. "Whatever possessed you to do that to him?"

"I don't know," Shego moaned. "It seemed like a good idea at the time…"

"Have you always been like this?" Kim asked. "I mean, even before you got your powers?"

"Hmm," Shego scratched her head and stared up at the ceiling. "Let me see…"

FLASHBACK THREE

A cute little girl with green eyes and black hair in a green dress is playing in a sandbox. A little boy toddles up to her and asks: "Can I play with you?"

"Hurgh!" With an animal grunt, the little girl grabs the boy and hurls him into the air.

FLASHBACK ENDS

"Um, yeah," replied Shego sheepishly. "Pretty much."

"You got problems," Kim stated flatly.

"Doy," Shego rolled her eyes. "Drakken wants to marry me, and I'm actually considering it. I got _big_ problems."

"You're actually _considering_ it?" Now it was Kim's face to turn a pale green. "Ew! Gorchy! Excuse me, Shego. I think there was something funny in that burrito…" The heroic redhead put her hand over her mouth and dashed away to the ladies room.

"Well, that's a natural reaction I guess," Shego picked at her food without interest.

_NEXT: The Love Doctor Is In_


	4. The Doctor Is in

**The Love Doctor**

By Galaxy1001D

_Kim Possible and other Disney characters are © Disney Co._

_Chapter Four: The Love Doctor Is In_

While hiding in the women's room at Middleton's favorite Bueno Nacho fast food restaurant, Kim took the moment to speak into her wrist Kimmunicator. "Wade! We have major strangeness here! Shego is Miss Go again! Any idea what's happening?"

"That _is_ strange," said the twelve-year-old supergenius whose chocolate colored freckled face appeared on the tiny screen. "Do you think it's the attitudinator again?"

"To be honest, Wade, this doesn't have that attitudinator vibe," Kim lowered her voice and became alert. "If I didn't know better, I'd say that Shego is her normal self and is just using this as an excuse to ask me for advice."

"Why would she do that?" Wade was taken aback.

"Well, let's face it, when you are petty and evil, you don't have a lot of friends," Kim sighed.

"That's true," the tiny image of Wade nodded. "Kind of sad in a way. Do you think this is a trap?"

"It just doesn't feel like a trap, Wade," Kim shook her head. "I think that deep down, Shego's stuck in a personal crisis and has no one to turn to."

"What makes you say that?" Wade asked. "What did she say?"

"She said that Drakken asked her to marry him," Kim shuddered.

The boy's eyes bulged open. "Wow! That would even make a villain ask for your help!"

* * *

Meanwhile in the sinister Caribbean island lair of Doctor Drakken, the mad doctor had released Ron Stoppable from his bonds. He was beginning to regret this, however, because Ron kept following him around and asking annoying personal questions. It was like being stuck with a younger Frugal Lucre, in a way.

"So let me get this straight," Ron asked for what seemed like the tenth time. "You want to _marry_ Shego?"

"Yes!" Drakken continued to walk forward with his hands over his ears in his attempt to get away from the annoying sidekick. "I want to marry Shego! What's so hard to understand about that?"

"Dude, she's so cruel and evil," Ron pointed out. "I know she's nice eye candy and all, but I don't think of her as the marrying type."

Drakken turned to face his tormentor. "In case you haven't noticed _I'm_ not exactly a bleeding heart either! Now are you going to help me or not? I haven't got all day!"

"I'm not so sure," Ron thought about it. "I mean, one of the few advantages that heroes and sidekicks have is that villains tend to turn on each other. If you and Shego were in love it would take away that advantage."

"Do you have wax in your ears?" Drakken shouted at him. "If I can get Shego to marry me, I can retire from villainy and become a ruthless businessman. Those corporate shysters fleece billions in their crimes against humanity! If they are caught they only get a slap on the wrist!" Drakken melodramatically fell to his knees and shouted up at the sky. "All I want is my fair share!"

"Not sure that I support your idea, but I admire your enthusiasm," Ron smiled genially. "Still, after what you did to Bueno Nacho, I'm not sure that the Ron-man should help you."

"Oh, you'll help me, all right," Drakken growled more like his old villainous self. "If _I_ don't get to live happily ever after, neither will _you_!"

"Uh, what do you mean?" Ron gulped, remembering that he was trapped on an island with a madman and that help was hundreds of miles away.

"You plan to marry Kim Possible someday right?" Drakken asked pointblank.

"Um," Ron massaged the back of his neck uncomfortably. "Well… we haven't made any plans yet, but I _assume_… that when we're ready…"

"Oh yes," Drakken smirked. "When you're ready, I'll be ready too!" He pointed a finger at Ron Stoppable. "On your wedding day, that will be the day I test a new doomsday weapon against innocent civilians! When you want to see your child in a school play, I'll kidnap a brilliant scientist just because! And you'll be able to remember the date of your anniversary, 'cause that's when I'll steal a nuclear weapon! Mark my words, Stoppable, if you don't help me achieve a state of wedded bliss, your marriage will be one setback and disappointment after another!"

"Oh all right," Ron grumbled. "Stop your whinin'! I just had to think about it, that's all!"

"Well think faster!" Drakken commanded. "You _teenagers_ may have all the time in the world, but _I'm_ not getting any younger! The United Nations has given me a pardon, and this is an opportunity that I'm not going to pass up!"

"Dude, you _do_ know that kidnapping is a felony, right?" Ron wagged his finger at the blue madman.

"I'm assuming that if we're successful, you'll be smart enough not to press charges." Drakken retorted.

"Hmm," Ron stroked his chin thoughtfully and rolled his eyes at the ceiling. "A villainous plot that if successful, will do nothing evil whatsoever. Interesting. I like it." He clapped Doctor Drakken on the shoulder and pulled him close. "Okay, Doctor Dee, you got yourself a deal! You got Ron Stoppable on your team! Consider your woman troubles over, 'cause the Love Doctor is making a house call!"

"Urgh," Drakken squirmed out of Ron's grasp. "Fine. Sure. Just don't touch me! Nyah!"

Ron immediately got down to business. "Okay, let's start with the basics. What do we have to work with?"

"The basics?" Drakken blinked. "What do you mean?"

"I mean do we have a chance of pulling this off?" Ron responded. "Is there anything between you and Shego that we can build off of? What do you have in common?"

"Well, we're both evil and hate just about everybody," Drakken tapped his cheek in thought.

"No, I mean anything that we can build a romance off of," Ron shook his head. "Work with me, here."

"Um," Drakken twiddled his fingers nervously. "There must be something that we like doing together…something that won't get us arrested…"

"Dude, does she like you?" Ron asked getting to the heart of the matter. "In any way? In a nonevil capacity?"

"Erm, uh," Drakken squirmed uncomfortably. "Well… she said she'd marry me. All I have to do is get her to fall in love with me, that's all."

Ron broke into a huge smile. "Then, Dude, we're practically there!"

Drakken's sarcastic voice was lifeless. "Oh boy. I can hear the wedding bells now."

"Doctor Dee, it means that she's willing to give you a chance," Ron assured him. "You got your foot in the door, all you got to do now is complete the sale."

"I'm not trying to sell her a vacuum cleaner, you dolt!"

"Dude, calm down," Ron raised his hands in a placating gesture. "If you want to marry Shego, you're going to have to get some patience."

"Patience!" Drakken snapped irritably, "When do I get that?"

"Drakken, you are going to have to put some effort into it," Ron scolded. "Chicks dig it when a guy expends a lot of effort on them. Why do you suppose that girls like total jerks?"

"Um, 'cause evil is cool?" Drakken was taken aback by the question.

Ron shook his head. "No, it's because if a guy is naturally a jerk but then acts real nice to his girlfriend, his girlfriend knows that he's putting a lot of effort into changing his behavior. He's doing it all for her. This makes her feel wanted. Desirable. Sex-ay. She knows that she is worth something. You make her feel good about herself. Do you get me?"

"Why would I want to make her feel good about herself?" Drakken asked blankly. "If she had a poor self-image, wouldn't that make her easier to manipulate? Less likely to leave if she was afraid that she wasn't good enough to find someone else?"

"Man, you _are_ twisted," Ron muttered in disgust. "No, you dummy, she'll stick around because _you_ make her feel good about herself, but if you treat her like garbage she'll eventually wise up and take off."

"Why does this have to be so hard?" Drakken whined.

"Dude, I could ask the same thing," Ron grumbled and shook his head in disbelief.

"Please!" Drakken pleaded. "Please help me! I don't know what I'm doing! Ya gotta help me, please!"

"All right, keep your shirt on," Ron extended a hand to keep the mad scientist away from him. "But first, what's my name?"

"Erm…uh," Drakken tapped his chin nervously. "Storable?"

"Try again," Ron shook his head.

Drakken's eyes lit up "Stoppable!" he exclaimed. "Ron Stoppable, of course!"

"That's better," Ron grumbled. "Storable', that's just stupid!"

_Next: Lessons in Love_


	5. Drakken in Da House

**The Love Doctor**

By Galaxy1001D

_Kim Possible and other Disney characters are © Disney Co._

_Chapter Five: Drakken in Da House_

Back at the mall, Kim was in a changing room while Shego stood in line at the 'Returns' counter. Her face was as lifeless as her pallor. What possessed her to buy pink? At least Kimmy found something cute to try on while she was in line.

_Beep-beep, BE-beep!_

What? It was coming from Kim's handbag. She had left it with Shego while she went to try on the outfit.

Shego opened Kim's purse and reached inside to discover Kim's wrist Kimmunicator. Kim must have thought it would clash with her outfit.

Shego pushed a button and Wade's face appeared on the tiny screen. "Whad'ya want?" the pallid woman asked without interest.

"We got an emergency Kim," Wade replied. "Ron has…Shego! Where's Kim?"

"She's in the changing room, nerdlinger," Shego retorted. "Whad'ya want?"

"I really need to speak to Kim," Wade insisted.

"Really," Shego smiled evilly. "What about?"

"Nothing," replied a distrustful Wade. "I just need to speak with her, that's all."

"Ah-huh, ah-huh," Rufus appeared on Wade's shoulder and nodded vigorously.

"Okay fellas," smiled a mirthful Shego. "I'll tell her you called, okay? Don't go away. Right?" Turning her hand into a glowing green fist, Shego crushed the Kimmunicator and dropped the shattered remains on the floor. "Oh no you don't," she growled. "Kimmy's not finished with _my_ problem yet."

* * *

At Wade's house, the twelve-year-old supergenius and a naked molerat commiserated on their predicament.

"Oh no!" Wade lamented. "Kim was wrong! It really is a trap! Who knows what's happening to Ron right now!"

"Ron…" Rufus whined.

"Kim's not answering her Kimmunicator! Now what do we do?"

"Oh no!" Rufus sobbed.

Just at that moment, a telephone rang. "The phone!" Wade cried as he picked up the receiver. "Kim! Is that you?"

"Uh, no," Ron replied. "It's me, Ron. Look I was wondering if…"

"Ron!" Wade exclaimed. "Where are you?"

"I'm at home," Ron answered. "Look, I can't find Rufus anywhere and I…"

"You're home?" Wade asked as he punched up a readout on his computer to scan the location of the microscopic homing beacon that he had placed in Ron's body a few years ago. "You're home! How did you escape Drakken?"

"Uh, yeah," Ron waffled, "about that. Drakken agreed to stop being a villain if I helped him with a problem and didn't press charges."

Wade held the phone to his ear and furiously typed with one hand while staring at a monitor screen. "Ron, did you know that Doctor Drakken is in your house?"

"Oh yeah," Ron nodded. "We dropped by to pick up some stuff. I'm gonna train Doctor Dee in the art of love… so he can propose to the woman of his dreams… Just call me Ronald… the Love…Doctor."

"The woman of his dreams?" Wade blinked in confusion. "Do you mean Shego?"

"Go to the top of the class, Wade m'man!" Ron congratulated him. "The old doc's got it hard for the Sheegmiester, and needs the Ron-man to teach him the subtle arts of love…"

Wade groaned remembering Ron's lessons in love when the twelve-year-old supergenius was crushing on Kim's friend Monique. "Uh, are you sure that's such a good idea? I mean, you dressed me up as Abe Lincoln."

Ron would not be discouraged. "Hey, Monique came around in the end, didn't she?"

"Yes," Wade squirmed, "but only because I created a love ray that forced her to fall in love with me."

"Hey ixnay on the ind control may!" Ron looked around nervously. "We don't want Drakken taking any mad scientist shortcuts to get what he wants. This is his chance to do things straight and legal, and I've got KP's and my marriage on the line!"

"Since when are you and Kim married?" Wade asked, then his eyes bulged out and a stupid grin crossed his face. "No! You're going to propose?"

"No I'm not going to propose!" Ron almost shouted on his end. "Drakken is going to propose to Shego, all right?"

"When are you going to propose to Kim?" Wade gushed.

"Why do people keep asking me that?" Ron grumbled. "As soon as one of us makes enough money for us to move into our own place, okay?"

"Does Kim know?" Wade teased.

"Dude, I haven't even bought a friendship ring, let alone an engagement ring!" Ron insisted. "Could we just talk about Drakken's love life instead of mine?"

"Okay, okay," Wade calmed down. "What do you need?"

"Well for starters I can't find Rufus anyplace," Ron checked his various hamster cages.

"That's because he's right here with me," Wade assured him. "He came here to tell me that Drakken kidnapped you. Did you know that he's taught himself to type?"

"Oh yeah," Ron nodded, despite the fact that Wade couldn't see him. "He even helped me proofread my term paper."

Wade was momentarily distracted by Rufus' chattering. "Calm down," Wade said. "I'll let you talk to him in a minute." He returned his attention to Ron. "Okay, what else do you need?"

"You know where I can find a good tailor?" Ron asked him. "None of my dad's clothes can fit Drakken."

"That reminds me," Wade sobered quickly. "What exactly is Drakken _doing_ in your house?"

"Oh don't worry," Ron assured him. "My parents are keeping him busy."

* * *

Mr. and Mrs. Stoppable sat on the couch, struggling to think of a way to make small talk with the blue gargoyle scowling at them. Drakken's skull like face and relatively brawny body was quite intimidating, actually.

"So…Doctor…" Ron's father attempted to smile and speak in a conversational tone. "How long have you been a villain?"

"About seven or eight years since I went big time," Drakken's frowning face didn't match his casual words, nor did his hostile tone, "but I'm thinking of getting out of that and going into business. You can do just as much evil at a fraction of the risk."

"Well, uh," Ron's father scratched the back of his neck and then smiled again. "Funny you should say that because calculating risk is my business. I'm an actuary, and I compute the odds of profit and loss for a living."

"Are you any good?" Drakken's disgusted scowl never left his face.

"I was recently awarded Actuary of the Year," Mr. Stoppable nodded to a trophy that was on top of the television set.

"Really," Drakken's eyebrow twitched as he actually showed interest. "And it's this year, too. Well, it's fortuitous that I caught you at the top of your game. When I begin my evil…I mean legitimate business, I'll have to look you up."

"Don't encourage him!" Ron's mother gasped, unable to contain herself.

"Now honey, you heard Ron," Mr. Stoppable patted her hand and comforted her. "Doctor Drakken's trying to get out of the villain business. He's trying to make a fresh start. If we're not supportive he'll just try to take over the world again and someday Ronald might get hurt. This is for the best." He turned to address the mad doctor. "Please, excuse my wife. She meant nothing by it."

"That's all right," Drakken's smile was cheerful and genuine. "I like being feared. That's something I'll miss when I'm no longer a villain."

"Your employees will fear you," Mr. Stoppable pointed out.

"That's right, they will," Drakken grinned. "I should have gone straight a long time ago."

To Mrs. Stoppable's disbelief, the mad scientist who threatened her son's life numerous time and her father shared some obnoxious laughter.

Now relaxed, Drakken started a conversation of his own. "Tell me, Stoppable, how could you let your only child go on such risky missions. I did my best to make sure that he would never come back you know."

Ron's mother frowned and got up to leave the room. The boy's father just smiled and responded as if they were talking about the weather. "To be honest, Ronald used to have a terrible self-confidence problem. Going on missions built up his self-esteem. Teen suicides went up the year he and Kimberly started fighting crime, and I felt that it would be better for Ronald to die fighting for his country than by his own hand."

"The little buffoon always seemed so cheerful," Drakken grumbled.

"Well, he is…now," Mr. Stoppable said uncomfortably, "but he was a mess when he returned from Camp Wannaweep. He didn't want to go and we didn't listen. It was after that we decided to let him chart his own course."

"Well this all very interesting," Drakken said dismissively, "but we were talking about _me_. Do you think that I'd make a good father?"

"Well why not?" Mr. Stoppable shrugged. "You're ambitious, intelligent, and have medal from the United Nations for saving the world. In addition you know the pitfalls of this world, having fell into them yourself. If anyone can teach from experience, it would be you. You just need to learn patience."

"Patience!" Drakken moaned melodramatically. "Why does everything require patience? I'm never going to get what I want!"

"Okay, it's all set up!" Ron announced as he entered the room. "Wade called in a favor from the Male's Storeroom and we due for a fitting at three. That gives us almost a half hour to get there."

"The Male's Storeroom?" Drakken asked. "Is that where you go to buy henchmen? I told you that I'm leaving the villain business."

"Geeze, Doctor Dee," Ron rolled his eyes. "Don't you ever watch their commercials? We're going to get you a new wardrobe."

"What's wrong with the furniture that I've got?" Drakken blinked. "Shego's never complained.

"Man's it's like driving a car while blindfolded!" Ron exclaimed. "Come on, let's go."

_Next: The New Drakken_


	6. The New Drakken

**The Love Doctor**

By Galaxy1001D

_Kim Possible and other Disney characters are © Disney Co._

_Chapter Six: The New Drakken_

Many who visited the Middleton Mall that day thought that there was a science fiction convention in town. What other reason could there be for a car that looked like a flying saucer to be parked near Club Banana?

Two stores down from the food court, the Male's Storeroom rented and sold fashionable but conservative men's clothing from tuxedos to business suits. Just the place for James Bond or one of his more stylish villains to shop.

"Okay, let's see what we have to work with," Ron put his hand to his chin in thought while holding his elbow with the other hand. "Hmm, let's see, Shego is evil, and would therefore go for the bad boy look…"

Drakken emerged from the dressing room wearing a black leather jacket, T-shirt, blue jeans, and black leather boots. He clenched his hands in a 'thumbs up' gesture and exclaimed 'Ay...!"

"What?" Ron blinked in confusion.

"You know, the Fonz," Drakken said. "_Happy Days_? Ritchie and Potsie? Arnold's Diner?"

"Who?" Ron said. "Whose days are happy? What are you talking about?"

"Never mind," Drakken scowled when it became obvious the generation gap was too wide to leap over. "It was before your time."

"Ah-huh," Ron nodded. "Well unless you're planning to be a Jet all the way, I'd change out of that."

"You've heard of _West Side Story_ but not _Happy Days_?" Drakken asked incredulously.

"Dude, we were forced to read that in high school," Ron told him.

"They are _still_ forcing you to read _West Side Story_?" Drakken laughed. "I was forced to study that stupid play myself!"

"You too?" Ron chuckled. "Man, I really hated that play!"

"Me too, I hated it!" Drakken howled. "But my mother loved it! She'd play those songs again and again. It drove me crazy!"

"Remember that dumb song, 'Maria'?" Ron asked him. "It just went on and on!"

"I thought he'd never stop saying Maria!" Drakken joked.

The blue mad scientist and the blond sidekick laughed again.

Meanwhile, back at Kim's house, Kim and Shego were going over their purchases in the guest room "Okay, all we need to do is let you meet someone new," Kim said. "There are lots of nice outfits here. We'll just dress you up in one, and then go out and see what happens."

"You're taking me out to bars?" Shego asked in disbelief. "That's the best answer the great Kim Possible came up with?"

"Well you aren't going to meet somebody at a school dance!" Kim blushed indignantly. "Look, I don't expect you to find the love of your life on the first night. The whole idea is for you to get out there and mingle. Get used to guys hitting on you without you hitting back, okay?"

"I don't know, Kimmie," Shego said skeptically. "I'm not crazy about going to some club and have some drunk throw up all over me."

"Look at this as an experiment," Kim said as she desperately tried to salvage her plan. It wasn't the best plan, but it was the only one she came up with. "You need practice talking to men without breaking them in two. You know you can take them if you have to. You don't have to go out with them. You don't even have to like them. You just need practice talking to them. If you don't, you could be stuck with Drakken for the rest of your life."

"Ew, no thanks," Shego said. "Okay, pumpkin, desperate times call for desperate measures."

Kim decided that this was not the time to tell Shego that she was sick of all the pet names.

Back at the Male's Warehouse Drakken was dressed in a dark blue tuxedo.

"Hm," Ron murmured while studying Kim's archfoe. "The dark clothing says evil, and the tuxedo says 'wealth and power' but its missing something. You need a flower on the lapel or something that says 'romance'.

Drakken squeezed his eye shut and flowers bloomed out of his ears.

"Whoa!" Ron staggered back. "I forgot you could to that!"

"It's a gift and a curse," Drakken muttered as he pulled the flowers out of his ears and examined them. When he found one he liked, he pinned it to his lapel.

"Gravy!" Ron smiled. "Now all we gotta do is work on your patter."

"My patter?" Drakken's unibrow rose skeptically.

"Yeah, your pick up lines," Ron nodded. "Your flirts. The seductive sweet nothings that it takes to win a girl's heart. Flowers and candy are nice but you gotta have a follow through, give me what you got."

"Pardon?"

"Pretend I'm Shego and hit me with your best shot," Ron offered.

"What? Oh! Right," Drakken muttered as he winced before getting into character. "Shego my love, your eyes are like two green buttons that will activate a doomsday weapon…"

Ron pretended to brush Shego's long black tresses out of his face and assumed an uncaring feminine stance. "Oh Doctor Dee, tell me more," he said in a voice like Mickey Mouse.

"Your shiny hair is as black as my heart and your lips are as cruel as my evil plan," the mad scientist said while putting his hand on his chest and gesturing to an imaginary audience.

"Oh, Doctor Dee, you say the most wickedest things," Ron giggled girlishly.

"Your body has enough power to break a man in two!" Drakken smirked while shaking his fist defiantly. "With those wicked claws you could tear a man's heart out! Just think what you could do to Kim Possible!"

"Hey Drakken, ease up!" Ron protested. "You're going too far here! You want to be gentle and sweet, not cruel and evil! This is the woman you love here!"

"But when I think about what I like about Shego I like that she could rip out Kim Possible's throat!"

"Dude!" Ron scolded. "Could you ease up on Kim? You're not going to be a villain anymore, remember?"

"Oh!" Drakken winced and pressed his fingers against his forehead. "Right! Not going to be a villain! Got it! Sorry buffoon, old habits die hard."

"Okay," Ron grudgingly nodded.

"Just like Kim Possible!" Drakken's leering smile belonged on the Grinch.

"Dude!" Ron snapped. "Not cool!"

"Sorry," Drakken moaned and nodded furiously. "You're right… you're right. Not going to be a villain. Got it."

"You're not the only one who can wreck a guy's married life ya know!" Ron threatened.

"You?" Drakken snarled. "You're a _good guy_! What can you do?"

"I wrecked your Christmas a while back," Ron pointed out. "Remember?"

"Oh yeah," Drakken shuddered. "I remember. Drak Force One. Don't worry Stoppable, if this works out I can be plenty evil and still be legit! You won't have to worry about me!" He then advanced menacingly on the teenager. "But if you toy with me… hey! Why are you smiling?"

"You remembered my name," Ron grinned.

"You're right! I did!" Drakken gasped. "If I could do that, anything's possible!"

"For a…"

"Doable!" Drakken corrected himself. "Anything's within the realm of possibility, I mean _probability_! It can happen."

"That's the spirit!"

_Next: Speed Dating_


End file.
